Bluffing It!: WARNING! NSFW. May cause offence.

Day 36. Seriously, this entry is expletive ridden!!!

Te Anau to Lake Monowai

Daily total: 84.45km Running Total: 1981.45km

Foreword: I thought long and hard about what to include in this entry and whether I should censor the content. I am going with uncensored, there are entries that show the pure joy of this journey so there needs to be the balance. This entry reflects the bad side of the journey. It is not all fun and games on the road. Sometimes it is really, really fucking shit.

Really shit. Flat roads and start off in sun. The roads remain pretty flat but the weather gets progressively worse. Southerlies sound lovely until you realise they are coming from the Antarctic, so cold. Fucking cold. My clothing is not built for this, just a hoody and poncho as warm top layers and trakkie bottoms bottom layers. As cold at night, have to keep the hoody and trakkie bottoms dry. So just a poncho to protect me from the elements. The bitter cold elements. The other problem with the Southerlies is when cycling South on a straight road, you are unable to escape the unrelenting headwinds. Everything and everyone got their own personal 'fuck' from me. Fuck this, fuck that, just fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FFFFFFUUUUUCK! To the point of my throat becoming raw. I could feel the effects of shouting in my legs. Yep, I was shouting so hard my legs began to hurt. Fuck you legs. Cars going past me saw a mental person in bitter cold rain, wearing a poncho, swimming trunks and sandals screaming fuck in to an unforgiving wind. Fuck you wind. Fuck you bike. Fucking road, fucking hills, fucking nature, fuck, fuck, fuck. No one gives a shit, fuck this. Burn it all. Fuck you warmth. Moral possibly at the nadir of this trip.

What was meant to be a stunning scenic route was masked in fucking clouds and cold. The whole time stuck with the same few albums. Over and over again and over and over again. To add more fucks to the mix, one of the albums was the ill fated robot themed DJ set. A shit day coupled with the sound track of failure! Fuck failure!

I make a detour to a lodge along a shitty gravel road and to pay for the joys of being in doors and warm...all booked out by a school party. Why fucking not put a fucking 'No Vacancy' fucking sign at the fucking info fucking shit booth by the fucking main road? Screamed my internal voice as the lady in charge at the camp broke the devestating news to me. I just glared at her with the full force of all that is wrong with the world. If there was any hope of sympathy from the lady, it was extinguished by the look I gave her. There was a campsite 10km down the road. More gravel road. Fucking kids. Fucking gravel...the silence is broken by the repeated fucks coming from my fast becoming sore throat. Each fuck louder than the one before. The last one all too loud as the campsite appears suddenly. Campers looking uncertain. Fuck you campers and your fucking cars.

I settle in. Ready to walk. Ready to relax. All is peaceful until a fire engine turns up to do some nosily fire engine stuff. Fuck. Just fuck. Fuck off. A whole new second wind of fucks readying themselves to be unleashed. I turn. Walk away. Dissappear in to the trees. Then almost instantly, I became Zen like. The trees having a calming affect. All the fucks of the days, just washed away, with a swoop of a branch. I became fuckless.